Nina: You confuse the shit our of me sometimes!

Stacey: I always say, and no one believes me, but I'm the most intolerant, judgmental person in the world until... well you know the rest.

Nina: You know what I think? I think your mind is so full of grey that you put everything into little black and white boxes just to filter and organize your shit out.

Stacey: Huh.

Nina: Yeah.

Stacey: Well.

Nina: Mmhmm

Stacey: That's pretty astute Nina. I like that.

Nina: That's why we're best friends!

Stacey: It really is!

"I hope you didn't wait up for me."

"I kind of forgot, until I saw this car following me home."

"What?  You think I was stalking you?"

"Stalkin' me with a pair of clippers.  So I see you got some other girl to polish your knob."

"Naw I just did it my- wait, what?"

"Huh?"

"No."

"Mmmhmm..."

"Whatever, I'm gonna have you fade me up."

"I'll make it smooth for ya."

Chris:  "What are you guys talking about?"

The seeds have been sewn.

"I think I'm going to shave my head."

"Why? You don't need to shave it."

"You wanna shave it for me?"

"Which head we talkin' about?"

"Shut up!"

"Well I'm just sayin'. You just made your other head the default pic and called me three times..."

"*laughs* Naw for real, what time you want me to come over?"

"I don't care, whenever."

"Do I have the bring the clippers?"

To self: "Do you really want me to shave your head?"

"Yeah, I only have a lady trimmer for grooming."

"Mmmm hmm..."

Back soon!

I've already been moody and bloated and gassy as crap. Today a letter and a paid account token made me cry. I have never been hornier in all my life.

God I love being a woman.

WHEN YOU'RE WISHING ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wii!

I've decided to start watching Days of Our Lives (now featuring LaVerne from Scrubs which, okay!) again so that way I'll get up before noon. I'm also in love with Rob & Big

I love only working one job!

Later gators!

---

ps. Why is this kid more hood than me?



Just... I can't even hate. HE LOVES HIS BABY!! YA HEARD!!? Real talk!

(I love you Kiwi)

When there's no time to write. Spam with pics.

Got a Tumblr. But I can't figure out how to simply add a horizontal line between entries. And the guy who was hosting the layout went belly up. So it looks crazy, but I don't care right now cause it's totes cute.

like so:

---

( Moar plees )

got in trouble at workfor being on the internet too much. totes my fault. 3 months probation. went out an bought me some happy in the way of a new phone. yay! posting from it now. pics soon. wii!

Via Robert who's awesome, but also got found out so I can't link to him anymore. So if you see him on the street, say thanks.

Cutie McCute Cute!

There's a dog in my house, a yellow lab. He's gorgeous and bad and I love him to pieces. My friend AJ just recently lost his dog and I thought about how much it was going to hurt just leaving this dog, I couldn't imagine how badly it would hurt losing one you've loved most of your life.

I bought the pups some biscuits at Walmart. I think I might get him some gormet doggie treats next. Or maybe some barbecue bones.

Sigh...

But I'm on hold so it's all good. ganked from darktruth who is more prolific on Xanga as stopcallinmeemo. But she's a liar, she doesn't want you to stop.

1. Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N.
T, or Tk depending on who's talking to me.

2. Are you single?
Only in real life.

3. What is your favorite number?
7, it's a good number. It's the day of rest.

4. What is your favorite color?
Purple. Different shades, but I love it.

5. Least favorite color?
White. And not for racist reasons (well, not just for racist reasons... I KID!), but because I'm extremely sloppy and I can't wear anything white without ruining it. At church we always had communion on first Sundays where the women had to wear white. It's like they were taunting me!

6. What are you listening to?
Whatever. The latest has been Talib Kweli, and Lupe. Some HSM, HSM2, FANT ASIA, Blake Lewis, DC Talk. The gamut.

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
God no, but I know the best is coming so right now it tolerable. It sucks, but it's tolerable.

8. Are you involved with anyone?
My boss keeps wanting me to see him naked, so there's that. Otherwise, no.

9. What is your favorite subject in school
Graduation

10.Do you shop at Abercrombie?
Hayle naw. Though no company has prettier white boys than them.

11. Do you have money?
I'm getting it.

12. Would you take an ex back?
an ex what?

13. Are you outgoing?
Not really, but I can be if I need to.

14. Are you gay?
I could certainly be happier. Soon.

15. Where do you wish you were right now?
Not here.

16. What should you be doing right now?
Attempt to be proactive in solving my customer's problem.

Can you blow a bubble?
Yes, and I'm told I'm very good at it.

Can you do a cart wheel?
I can, but my breasts have trouble.

Can you touch your toes?
yep

Can you wiggle your ears?
no way, only witches and bitches can do that

Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
yes

THE DIDS:

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
yes

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
no

Did you ever want to be a teacher?
goodness no

Did you ever break the law?
once I got caught shoplifting, because I'm a nerd. Yay community service!

Did you vote for Bush?
I honestly can't remember. I'm pretty sure I voted Dem because I loved JohnxJohn (which, ZOMG TO THE POSSIBILITY OF Obama/Edwards! THE WHITEHOUSE HAS NEVER BEEN HOTTER!), and I thought Gore was sweet.

THE DOs:

Do you like rollercoasters?
Not really. I can do spinny, but I hate falls.

Do you own a bike?
Yeah, a red Schwinn. Now ask me how I ride it.

Do you play the lotto?
No, I'm poor.

Do you like football?
Yes, but only college football, and since we're being particular, only Husker Football, and championships.

Do you have a shopping addiction?
When I get rich I will, until then it's manageable.

THE DOES:

Does your family have family picnics?
Not really, when we get together it's for events or vacation.

Does your wallet have any pics in it?
no, but I don't have a good wallet yet.

Does your job bring you satisfaction?
I don't consider this a job, as much as a way to get up on out of here.

Does a soft answer turn away wrath?
Sometimes, though when used right it cause it, which is also fun.

Does sex mean love?
Nope.


THE LASTS:

Last person you hung out with?
My boss. I walked into his hotel room and he was naked. Then we went to Old Chicago.

Last car ride?
Going to Omaha from Lincoln.

Last text message?
My niece

Last baby you held?
Ronnie's kids

Last time you shaved?
My underarms yesterday after seeing that picture of Kelly and finding it unacceptable that someone with that much money and that little of armpits couldn't keep them shaved.


LAST THING.

What was the last thing you bought?
A ticket to the pancake man.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Caramel Macchiato (in lieu of my effing CHAI LATTE WHICH THEY RAN OUT OF AHHH!)

What was the last thing you watched?
LOST (which, FLOVE!!)

What was the last thing you read?
Christo's blog.

What was the last thing you hand wrote?
Inventory sheet for Job2


THE WHOS:

Who last talked to you on the phone?
My mom

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Myself. I'm a camera whore evidently

Who was the last person to leave you a comment?
Maura, on a public entry it was Tres Faux


CURRENTLY:

What color shirt are you wearing?
Yellow, with green and gold sparkly tank underneath.

Have any tattoos?
Nope, unless you count my cute moles (not the noncute ones)

Have you any piercings?
Yep, I've got two in each ear, I'm getting my thirds and that's it. I may consider my eyebrow if I can learn to keep them waxed.

Straight hair or curly?
Curly by nature, straight by design.

Where are you?
At work, again... still.


HAVE YOU EVER:

Failed a class?
Nope, unless you mean College.

Professed your love and been turned down?
HA!

Accomplished a life goal?
I have yet to set any, that should probably be my first.

Sang in front of a crowd?
Church mostly, then pretty much wherever there's music.

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:

1. gay porn
2. CDs
3. Stuff
4. Thangs
5. Clothes
6. Shoes
7. souveniers


THREE RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:

1. In a relationship?
only with me

2. Want a relationship?
Oh yes, thank you for asking.

3. Wanna get married?
Definitely. For money first, then for love.


FOUR THINGS ON YOUR MIND:

1. Time and lack of it
2. The want and lack of time for a manfriendlove
3. Gay romance/action saga/porn/drama/comedy/classic tale of ME that goes in my head when I get bored. I started it when I was 13 and it's evolved into a saga. You're all in it.
4. Him, still. Bleh.

Quote of last night:

"I don't even know how I'm going to explain this to my boys back in Detroit. 'Yeah, I just stayed out until 2 in the mornin', watching The Best Man with like 5 women and their kids. Then we played Scattergories or Guesstures or some shit like that. And it was good, sober, Nebraska fun.' They ain't gonna believe this.

CAUSE THAT'S HOW WE DO IN THA O! The ONE! DA ACE!

Next week we're going to an adult party at Dave N Busters... YEAH!

So tired, but happy which is nice. I'll be in touch soon.

I'm moving to Omaha next week, and you know what that means?

75 MILES CLOSER TO DC/NINA/WORLD DOMINATION!!!!

Ahem.

ps. ALSO! Last call for Holiday Greetings! Comments will be screened. I'm missing a Canadian address and a Portland one HINT HINT!! You whores.

Today my mom and I will be Thanksgiving dining with two of the largest black families in Omaha! There will be fried turkey and smoked turkey and roasted turkey and stuffing and candied yams and black eyed peas and Jumbalaya and crab legs and shrimp and grits (excuse me polenta) and sweet potato pie and peach cobbler and red velvet cake and well... EVERYTHING!

I'm going to eat and drink myself into a stupor and during that I will be flisting like a fiend. That's right kids, the ENTIRE FLIST will get a comment from me today if it kills me (and some of you are some long winded heiffas!).

You know I love it. And I'm so thankful for my flist and all of their individual awesomeness and look forward to finally having some time to catch up.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

EFF THE POLICE!

Freaking THREE TIMES IN ONE MONTH! That a stupid, bored, ridiculous cop has pulled me over. This time the cop got away with giving me a ticket which means I have to go to court TWO DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS to appeal it.

I... I don't even know what to do anymore. Short of not driving, because right now driving safely is getting me pulled over. Not speeding is getting me warnings. Not slowing down fast enough is getting me citations.

The days of being nice and appealing to their sensibilities is gone. The day of being a mad, black woman are here and the weather couldn't be any more accommodating. This has pissed me off for the last three months and I refuse to let the police department of this effing city run me off the road.

Stinkin' Lincoln.

I'm meeting with my Mom's lawyer tomorrow, that's how ridiculous this has gotten.

My work ID is SMILE BRIGHT!

Dear EVERYONE,

Ever, in the entire world. Yes you, and you, and Lord knows especially YOU! Please get the following statement into your heads and keep it there. Keep it right in front of your eyes as a constant reminder so I won't have to write a "Dear John" letter to the internets.

THE ONLY THING THAT BLACK PEOPLE (or People of Color, which is a term I made up evidently) ARE EVER GOING TO DO AS A WHOLE IS... (wait for it)... Here it comes.... ZOMGIZZLE UR GONNA BEE SOOOOZZZZEEE SUPRIZDED!!!!!...

BE BLACK!

Ta-Da! That's it! The only thing that we are required to do as a grouping in any way shape or form is BE BLACK! It's the only thing we're ever going to do as a consensus I kid you not.

You see EVERYONE, those annual "Black Folk Meetings" that y'all are so gung ho about? Oh you know, the ones where we elected Oprah as our Queen, Bill Cosby as our King, Rev Jesse Jackson as our Prince, and "Rev" Al Sharpton as the court jester? Yeah, didn't happen. It's a myth that was perpetrated by the additional myth that since we all have the same skin color, we also all have the same views on everything ever.

Now, now. I know where we misled you. This whole "Please stop discriminating against me based on my skin color!" thing? Kind of seems universal through the community, right? Like, the whole, "I would rather you not discount me because of my skin color. Especially if you're going to call me names or maybe arrest me or beat me or kill me because of it." thing really got y'all thinking, "Well, they seem to be really united under that front, they must have had a meeting about it sometime. Is that what the Million Man March was for? Honey, remember the Million Man march, did Jamall from next door go to that? Ask him if there was a meeting! There had to be a meeting."

Y'all? There wasn't. It's not kismet, or like, secret adapted twin language. It's just that -and I know this is going to freak you out, but still go with it- pretty much everyone in the world ever feels that way. I know, I know, but you see in addition to being "People of Color" (patent pending hoes!) we are also human. It's not just this years theme on Scrubs, it's an actual thing.

So as a whole, the only thing we as human beings who happen to be classified under a specific skin color have to do is... be that specific skin color until it doesn't matter in a negative way anymore. Seriously.

"So what does this mean for me?" you ask? Well, dearly beloved reader, what this means for you is that black people as a whole will never do any of the following:

1. Agree on the who/what/when/where/why/ and hows of THE N WORD
2. Vote Democrat/Republic or at all for that matter
3. Agree on a candidate
4. Figure out a replacement for reparations
5. Go to school
6. Be good citizens
7. Be violent and aggressive
8. Be passive and coddling
9. Forgive YOU
10. Trust YOU
11. Like YOU
12. Love YOU
13. Earn lots of money
14. Be poor
15. Use Affirmative Action
16. Believe in God
17. Care about racism
18. Care about other black people
19. Know other black people in your general area
20. Elect a "leader"
21. Like Jazz/Hip Hop/R&B exclusively
22. Love Denzel (I know, that's even hard for me to accept, but it's true)

Now I'm not completely unsympathetic. I realize that it seems like an oxymoron to have to adjust your behaviors for the betterment of an entire race of people who just can't seem to make our minds up about anything (silly us!), but really, the end of racism and discrimination isn't a give and take process.

I've been reading the reviews to my Dearest Whitefolk post by some people I had debate with and others who read but didn't comment until later. After wading through the general "SHE IS A CRAZY RACIST HERSELF SO THERE!" comments and the oddly interesting "I'm going to use this entire post to be snarky and overtly racist and then wonder why she wasn't more milquetoast and We Are the World about her rant against the very thing I'm doing right now and you know what, let's go get my ethnic husband involved because the best way to find out whether I'm racist or not is by asking the "POC" (c) that married me if I am" line of reasoning that was suspiciously common and in more than one review, I've noticed this new trend in racial processing reasoning.

...Sure, I'll agree to not be racist, but in return you have to do it my way. First, come to a freaking consensus on the word NIGGER. Yes, I said it. I am above the age of 21 and it's a silly word. If you can't figure it out why should I? Secondly, umm, we're giving you like, all free schooling? Take it and get a job. Also, I don't want any more of you people being mean to me. I'm working hard not to hate you as it is, cut me some effing slack. Once that's done, then I'll decide what I'll do to help fight racism, though by that time we'll all be equal right, so I won't have to do anything? Oh, I shouldn't have told you that part, right? That we're all just waiting for you to get over it? Yeah...

Yeah EVERYONE, not gonna happen. Least not while I still have ten fingers and enough skills to pump it out. Each and every single person needs to be dedicated to truly understanding racism. To understanding that seeming oxymorons are going to exist and sometimes the actions that we take to benefit others aren't going to be appreciated, recognized, or even wanted across the board and yet if you know you have the power to change things you should. People of Color, racial minorities, blackfolk, niggers, whatever, don't owe you any kind of explanation for why you shouldn't be racist holes. You don't get to have your racism excused because a black person was mean to you, especially when your racism affects several who were not.

And yes, this goes to white people especially. Those who still don't believe in white privilege or that anything they do has a reaction or better yet, thinks they are not being racist by not considering people of color because to consider them would be racist itself (oh the emails I've received...). It's not that hard to not be a racist jerk, seriously. And you're setting yourself up pretty well on the other side if you're actively trying not to be a racist jerk if you believe in that kind of thing. And if you don't, do you really want to be 85 in a rocking chair mumbling, "I'm NOT A RACIST!" under your breath? Then work to end it now so you won't have to. That's the end of it.


Next up: My Mom says the word "shit" a record number of times, but in the most literal sense of the word, and the existence of God is simultaneously proven and disproved during the process. Also, 7 (or 8? Was it 8?) wonderfully weird things about me.

And yes, just 8! You whores.


BF

Have you ever been at that point where so much is going on that you have to just talk about it so you can clear some space in your head? I had a lady call last night and she was flustered because her bill was overdue. She was explaining to me why and it threw me though the largest loop. Evidently her daughter was in the hospital after having been stalked and raped by her ex-boyfriend in front of her daughter. She tried to tell her daughter to leave the room, but the child insisted that she was not going to leave her mother.

This was not the first time as the last time produced a new grandson for the woman, but this time was most painful since they'd gone to such great lengths to hide their daughter from this terrible man.

"The next step they tell us is witness protection, but then I'd never be able to see my daughter or grandchildren again. I don't know what to do!"

And there was a silence. It was odd, because we both knew I didn't have the answer, but we also both knew she wanted me desperately to give her one.

"I'm so sorry all of that has happened to your family. If you don't mind, I'll certainly keep you in my prayers." Then I told her something she could do to waive the monthly payment until they got this issue settled and wished her the best.

"Thank you sweetheart, and listen, take care."

"You too ma'm, please have a peaceful evening."

I'll probably never talk to her again, but it's mystifying the outlets people will create to ease their stress, even a little. At PayPal I hear tales of people on their last legs,

"This business has to be profitable. This is my last chance. My husband was so controlling, and when the kids were out of the house I finally got the courage to leave him and make it on my own. This has to work."

"Your site is lovely, and you've already had so many orders. I'll do my best to make sure your transactions run smoothly."

They ask me all the time for answers I couldn't possibly have, and then they mold the ones I give them into the ones they want. Which is fine. It's just interesting. The things that make us human, the connections that we can forge with strangers on an anonymous 5 minute call. The phone beeps into my ear and as I'm giving my opening spiel I wonder whatenture I'll get. Will there be yelling, cursing, crying, or joy? Will it be easy? Will they hear me and if so will they listen?

My phone scores are through the roof, but my emails suffer a bit. One sided banter was never really my strong point, even here the comments are usually the most interesting. I'll work on that and get better, I know, but until then I'll listen, and I'll research, and I'll only charge per hour what the companies pay me, and I'll be there.

SSM 8am - 9pm, TWRF 2:30p - 11pm.

The best way to avoid a late fee:

Don't be late

Despite being tailed and followed by a police officer for 2 miles, and then pulled over AFTER I EXITED THE INTERSTATE, and then told that I was getting a ticket for "Not slowing down fast enough", and then (and only then) proceeding to tell the woman that she was a pathetic excuse for an officer if she felt that stalking me and ticketing me for the marginal 1-6 miles I was over the speed limit (THAT WAS 55MPH ON A MAJOR INTERSTATE! THAT I WAS ONLY GOING TO GET AWAY FROM HER!!) was in any way related to highway safety of any kind, I'm not nearly as pissed as I should be.

And I've had the framework of a pretty pissy day. Let's go through it, shall we?

11:30pm - Get off work late because I get the last call of the night, which also had the pleasure of being the longest. I get to Ronnie's about 10 minutes later and am greeted by her 3 year old daughter who wants to see me off to sleep.

Awww!

A: Night Night!
S: I love you, but go to bed!

I get her good and tucked in with her mom and try to get a little snack before I hit the sack at about 12:30am.

1am - A. (coughing... then crying). I think it's the other baby and go to her room. It's not for a good minute (it was late y'all) that I realize she is fast asleep and that's A. craying. Awww I let her mama take care of it.

As I'm leaving little A.'s room I overestimate the amount of free space between me and the wall and turn directly into it. Then I become the world's greatest camoflage artist as I blend into the walls, holding my breath and hoping the baby doesn't wake up.

She doesn't.

2am - 4:50am - That night (morning, whatev) I dreamt in vivid colors. Red, orange, and green, and when it got exciting it turned to pink plaguing my perceptions as the mixture of tart and sweet dazzled my neurons.

I dreamt of Joey and I was mad at first that he interrupted my Kool-aid dreams and didn't even bring any sugah, but my heart settled into a gentle melancholy as the conversation between Joey and I progressed.

It was odd, because I knew what I should tell him, but I couldn't. It was before his trial, and I couldn't get out why jail would be good for him. Why incarceration and separation from the church and state would benefit him.

I think it's mostly because it wouldn't, but it would benefit everyone else.

5:30 - To Omaha. I originally had Tank, but decided to switch to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack so I could scream Fabulous and Bet On It at the top of my lungs while soaring down the highway.

6:30am - 3:45pm

Work was pretty great, and lunch was good. Everyone acted nice and generally nontoxic though black men still will only acknowledge me when other men of color do. The thing I want to point out is the time I left. Again, I had the last call and my GOD this woman! She.. she was just... you know those people who don't pay attention? But like, to life?

There was nothing right on her account, and her issues were becoming frickin' hydra heads of promblematic situations. "Oh? You want to remove money from your account? Sure, all you have to do is verify your identity and then- oh, you put the name under your business name? Well, you can't do that. Oh? You did anyway. And you paid no attention to the sending limits on your account? And you don't have a credit card? .......Okay, let's see how I can help!"

And so on.

So because of her I ended up leaving 45 min late from Paypal (PAID!), which was okay, but meant I would miss my mid afternoon 40 min nap and chance to get something to eat before my six hour shift at Cabelas.

So I'm heading home and I'm envisioning my American Idol performance of "Bet on It" (and y'all? It's FIERCE!) with special appearance by Zac Efron and that's when I get pulled over for "Give your money to the State of Nebraska" day on the highway.

Overall I'm in pretty good spirits. I'll take the stop class, and I'm pretty sure the two years have passed so it should be fine (let me reiterate, the two years BEST TO HAVE PASSED and it SHALL BE FINE or ELSE), it's just increasingly annoying.

I'm just coming to terms with the next stage beginning. I still have a lot of past baggage, but doors are being opened where others were closed. I miss Bacon every single day (/stalker, I know), but I've started talking to Jamie more and have made what may be some fun friendships in the process. My training will be over soon and my mentors and trainers are really impressed by my work so I'm getting great constructive feedback at work. I didn't even want to scratch anyone's eyes out at work today, and you know how hard that is for me sometimes.

All in all, life is hectic and busy and crazy, but it's moving and that's the important thing. I'm moving forward and... I don't know, MOVING! I know that's not so huge to you big ballers, but it's new for me and I'm liking it.

I'm going to try my best to flist like crazy tonight, I hope all are well. Greetings to the new folks who have friended me, I'll be making my rounds soon enough.

November is NaNoWriMo which I don't think I'll be doing, but I will be using the time to edit the crap out of my Gaiety so if you're interested in betaing let me know. Otherwise I'll be waxing poetic and/or pontificating on a great many ponderance so stay tuned my lovelies!

"What are you doing for the rest of your life...?"

I brought in fried, glazed croussaints, and they brought in donuts and cupcakes and lemon bars. I adore lemon bars. Some didn't know I was leaving. One in particular, the British, gave me a great hug and a kiss on the cheek and told me to keep in touch. It's amazing how much others think about you when you're leaving. Busy day today, because it's the last.

"North and south and east and west of your life? "

Today is the last day of my life, and Monday will be the precipice of its new beginning. Yes, I know the word "precipice" denotes a beginning in and of itself, but Monday will not be the beginning. Only the interim.

"I have only one request of your life-"

The beginning of my life will happen when I move to DC and get a career. Something I'll do strongly and proudly for the next 10... 20... 30... years of my life. When I publish my first novel (yes, I've decided), when I start my first business, when I marry and have children. Then my life will truly begin.

"That you spend it all with me."

This? This is just setup. This is what happens when you thought your life began years ago and you weren't prepared to handle it. This is catching up. This is killing myself, so I can be made anew. This is suicide of childish things developed in a prolix process of laziness and dependency.

"Through all of my life.."

This is realizing that just because adulthood wasn't forced on me doesn't mean I shouldn't reach out to embrace it. This is refusing not to become like my mother, no matter how much I love her. This is creating my own legacy and doing whatever I have to do to make it happen. This is long days, longer commutes, short sleeping hours, strained friendships, monstrous cell phone bills, bad diets, nervousness and stress, short term disappointments for long term benefits. This is benefits. And more pay. And perhaps a 3rd job. And perhaps a 4th... And-

"Summer, winter, spring and fall of my life,"

This is me preparing for the rest of my life, by ending the one I have now. I'll go through this fire and come out as gold, but still very hot to the touch, and when I do, I hope to see you there.

"All I ever will recall of my life"

"Is all of my life with you."