My mom is crazy.

So... 2m & my mother calls me informing me that she called the cops because a man broke into her house and put a cat in her closet. Despite the doors being locked and blinds being closed this is the same man that shows movies in her window and sends cats into her house to terrorize her shoes and steal her clothes and she cannot be convinced otherwise. I think this latest development is exacerbated by the fact that she wants to move but we can't do anything about that at least until spring. She suffers from dementia which is known to everyone but her, and these events swell when she begins to feel like she's losing even more control. And since it's Super Bowl Sunday and also 2am there's no one to call but Jesus (and livefacejournalbook evidently). Needless to say it was a very rough night. After a bad cry and a good pray I think I'll be able to sleep until the morning when I can actually deal with this. Until then, prayers and good thoughts, 'kay? Thanks.<3
obama tree


Voting is one of those things that seems so rote to me. I mean, how can I make a difference out of hundreds, or thousands, or even millions? My vote obviously doesn't count so why should it matter? Especially after George Bush LOST the popular vote and still ended up as president? I was ready to throw in the town with voting all together.

Then a young Senator out of Illinois came on the scene and changed everything. Not just because he was black, but because he caused people for the first time in a while to really consider why they vote. My friend Veronica used to go to Western Nebraska for an agricultural company and while it was clearly decorated as McCain/Pailin land; behind closed doors many occupants admitted to being Obama lovers. They said that to keep up business and appearance they had to appear to love the conservatives, but they thought it was time for a change and knew who they would vote for in the polls.

Now whether they were just saying this to her because she was black is moot. The fact of the matte is what intrigues me the most. Americans aren't really left with too many secrets that aren't of the "terrible" variety. The things we keep to ourselves are usually embarrassing or incriminating or otherwise just plain unsavory. Whether it be that time you peed your pants when you were 21 (but you tell everyone you were 11), your actual whereabouts on the evening on Oct. 22nd, 2008 (that girl doesn't exist and that movie wasn't even showing that night), or that weird smell coming from your basement (whatever happened to that rude paperboy...?) most times our secrets are actually pretty damaging.

So to be able to have a secret that empowers us is a pretty big deal. I know I can go stomping for Fenty all I want, but when I get in that booth I can vote for whomever I want. It's the one little slight deception that won't get me landed in jail and there's something oddly intriguing about that.

Not that that's me, I'm pretty open about my political leanings and basically demand that for tomorrow you vote democrat or NOT AT ALL! That said, you can tell me what you want and then go and do whatever you like. It's your right, and your privilege.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, Nov 2nd, get out and VOTE!

Sure it gets better, but it can be pretty good now, too...

My bb's over at ONTD_ai posted Adam Lambert's It Gets Better video which serves as an inspirational video to kids being bullied.

I don't mind the campaign and think it's really nice. If it helps one kid then it's worth it. I just think that as straight people we should additionally have a campaign to help out.

Introducing: If you keep bullying people I will punch you in the throat!

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Dear Sara Rue,

I love you like you used to love cake, but if that much of your self esteem was tied up in your weight then there's a whole lot more wrong that just your waist size. You weren't even that fat to begin with. Instead of Jenny Craig maybe try a licensed therapist first. Your commercial is worrisome to say the least. Especially since you used to be so cool and indy, holding it down for the fat girls who wanted to kill Matt Dillon and sleep with Joaquin Phoenix. But I digress...

So much too say and way too much time to say it in...

In which I should probably be doing something else more productive so I'll make this brief.
First off you guys have no idea how much I appreciate the comments and I always read them, it's just sometimes I can't comment, but they really sit in my heart so if you see me on your blog or I reply to your facebook status it means that I love and appreciate you and thank you. It's just that now is really hard, you know?

I've found in my life that either nothing happens, or terrible things happen and I'm getting really tired of it.

There's this song that goes "Monday, we held it together and, Wednesday we had stormy weather and, Friday we prayed it all better and, Sunday..." and it kind of trails off and I guess that's what it likes. It just keeps happening.

The bridge is "Prayer still works" and while I believe that, I'm tired of needing it. Which sounds heinous, I know. But prayer should be a time to give thanks to God and to appreciate Him and the things He's done for you, not to beg yourself out of the same situation you keep throwing yourself into over and over.

They say the bloodwork for my brother is inconclusive but the bone work says it's definitely cancer and my niece made the mistake of telling me that this may have been the news that my sister got because my sister is dead and now I'm thinking that if my brother dies my heart will officially freeze over and break into a million pieces and is that the plan for my life? To just die? Are we the children of Israel that sinned and can't live to see the promise land? What injustice did my family commit that everyone in it or associated with it suffers some sort of debilitating loss?

And if he lives, then maybe it will be okay. And this is what my life has been. Level 10 freakouts followed by hours of numbness, a cool down, a reconciliation, and maybe a bit of joking in between to mask my mood.

It'll be fine.

Dear Cancer,

It seems like I've known you my whole life. Before I even really knew who you were you'd already broken the heart of my oldest sister. Then, as time went on you wreaked equal amounts of havoc on my niece, my brother, my sister, my cousin, my other sister, my coworker, and twice on my mom. And though my mom is the only one that list who hasn't died, she's still suffering because of you.

Now the doctors tell one of my two remaining brothers that he might have you in his pancreas, and that is why I called you today.

It's time for us to breakup. I know you've been a part of this family for a long time. I'm not sure what happened to cause such a hateful and vengeful animosity towards us, but srsly cancer? Build a bridge, and get over it.

I mean, was it necessary to jump the line into my Mom who has never had a history of any cancer and suddently when she's around the Goodlett's she gets it twice in each breast? Or to jump to my Sister in Law's family where you killed her older brother? That's just rude is what it is and it's time for this to stop and move on.

They say if you love something to let it go, but I don't love you. In fact I hate you, and honestly, can you blame me? You're kind of a jerk. I don't want you to go find someone else to be happy with, I want you to go away and die. I don't think that's too much to demand. Leave me and my family alone, go find a cave in the center of the Earth, curl up and die.



Am I the only one who gets completely thrown off task by Yahoo!'s homepage? I'll have something very important (or extremely arbitrary... mostly arbitrary unless finding Eric Balfour's Angelfire fan page is a matter of national security, and actual, it might be. Anyhow...) to research and go to and then suddenly those four magical little boxes will completely distract me from my task.

I mean, come on! Who needs Eric Balfour when you have an armless pianist? And I just found a little arrow system near the bottom where you can go to even more of these little mindless stories. And just when you think this time waster can't get any better, each article allows COMMENTING! Now people, we're all familiar with the users of Yahoo! Answers and the cesspool of wildly splendiforous crap they enrich our lives with, but Yahoo! commenters are EVEN CRAZIER!

It's like if you take IMDB commenters and made them breed with every LJ community ever and then sent their kids to the same school where Nigerian Princesses are the bullies. It's a lovely mixture of racism, ageism, inheritance pleas, and Russian mail-order bride requests that stretches my simple 2 minute search into a 3 hr tour of the Bermuda interweb.

Google with its efficiency and easy browsing just can't compare. I know iGoogle tries to customize content, but honestly there's nothing that can compare to the Yahoo! front page. It's simply one of a kind.

A Mosque by any Other Name.. Is Well... Less Controversial

A Mosque within a 50-mile radius of Ground Zero freaks out America. Islamic leaders suggestion to fill it with illegal immigrant babies only adds fuel to the fire.


Palin "refudiates" classiness by getting involved via Twitter.

First off let me say, I get it. I really do. I get why even the most liberal and tolerant of Americans would feel uneasy with their being a mosque next to Ground Zero. It seems like a slap in the face, right? Like, how dare they kill 3,000 of our citizens and then have the unmitigated GALL to try and place a freaking jihad empowerment center within a half mile of Ground Zero. As an American I understand that, but as an African American and a woman I know that there's more to this story than we know.

Like the fact that just because a group of people terrorized our country in the name of Allah doesn't mean that a) Allah had anything to do with it, and b) that those that believe in Allah also believe that the incident was b1) Allah endorsed, or b2) right. Trust me, in addition to being a black woman I am also a Christian and I know what it's like to be unfairly blamed as a whole for the actions of a few.

Also, let's take a look at the fact that since Sept 11th, 2001 America has been extremely crappy to Muslims in general. So building the mosque was probably just an act of "Hey America, sorry about 9/11 but our proximity to the site makes it so it definitely won't be bombed again, and we're totally all about paying your property tax, so can you possibly shut the hell up and let us practice our religion in peace?" Or it could have been a slap in the face, but I actually think that's fair given the BS they've gone through for the last 10 years.

When I first heard about this incident, or to be more succinct the backlash towards the president for supporting the structure, it made me wonder about something that's been racking my brain for at least the last year or so: What's wrong with America?

We seem to be entangled in this solipsistic rhetoric wherein we've created a type of control just so we can freak out when we lose it. We love nurses, landscapers, and construction crews but not as a whole and not when we can't understand what they're saying and especially not when they don't make much of an effort to understand us. And though it's not racist (for the sake of argument, ahem) we hate this so much that we're nearly willing to overturn an amendment to the constitution to alienate them all the more. I mean really people? We're going to make it so that no one can be a citizen of this country unless we say it's okay? When did America become the Regina George of the world? Why are we so reluctant to forgive, to learn, and to move on?

You wanna make a statement? Finish the 9/11 memorial center and pay homage to those fallen, but don't channel your anger into irrational hatred for a group of people only loosely involved. We're better than the thinly veiled, semi-rational arguments we're trying to use to remove even more of our rights in the name of... well I don't know, because it's certainly not our comfort.

It's this desire to hold control over everything, and when we lose this control that we've invented only in our own minds we take steps towards completely overturning the values this country was founded upon. The blinders on our eyes are so opaque that we've decided to paint a vision on them instead of clearing the way for the true future. We're still so young, so I guess in a way this is to be expected, I just hope we grow up before it's too late.